Can delayed gratification be taught?

One reason people run up credit card balances is based on emotions. They really, really want to buy something right now. The excitement is a wonderful feeling.

We’ve all been there. As you waver, wondering if you should buy something, the internal dialogue starts. The cautious voice is barely noticeable, overshadowed by the We-Only-Live-Once voice saying “I deserve it! I work hard. Everyone else has one. It will be easy to make the extra payment over several months.”

But what you do at this point is what separates people into two groups: those that delay gratification and those that don’t.

In the famous marshmallow experiment in the 1960s, some of the four-year olds would wait 20 minutes in order to get a second marshmallow, but some kids could not wait and then were not rewarded. For the next 40 years these kids participated in follow up studies, and throughout the years the kids that could not wait were not as well adjusted as kids that waited for the second marshmallow.

Can people be taught to control impulses, to wait for an even greater reward? It appears that the answer is yes.

Before you pull out a credit card for that exciting purchase, here are 3 steps for you to try:

1. Ask yourself, “Will I be happier next month if I buy this, or will I be happier if I don’t buy it?” Think about the long-term benefits of the new purchase. Is it enough to offset the pain of credit card debt?

2. Visualize the credit card balance as a black cloud that hangs over your head, never far away. Remember that this black cloud is scarier during the middle-of-the night worry sessions.

3. Recognize the win/win of waiting. For example, you want to watch a movie but you need to clean the kitchen. If you clean now, then there is more pleasure now, because you anticipate the fun that will come later when you watch the movie. And watching the movie is more pleasurable because it is a reward, something you earned, and you don't have the dread of cleaning later. This is a win/win because there is more pleasure now (anticipation) and more pleasure later (relax with pride and nothing to dread).

Conversely, if you watch the movie now, then there is less pleasure now because you anticipate the pain of cleaning later. And when you finally do clean, the pain is greater since there is nothing to look forward to. More pain now, more pain later.

This can be applied to your money. If you wait and save up to buy something, there is the pleasure of anticipation while you save, and then greater enjoyment for the item that you purchase, since you can be proud of yourself.

And there is the pleasure of only white marshmallow clouds hanging over you, instead of black clouds.